Jokes for Runners & Walkers

This Run The Planet webpage is no joke, but the content is. Let's face it, seeing the lighter side of running gives a break from talking about knee pain and injured muscles. But on the other hand, this webpage will make you laugh so hard that you'll have to pinch your side, bend over, and take deep breaths. You will suffer from running-joke sideaches, very painful.

Running & Walking Jokes

• Two hikers on a trail came around the bend to find an enormous brown bear about 75 yards up the trail. The bear spies them and begins running toward them at a full gallop. One hiker drops his backpack, sits down, throws off his boots, and starts lacing up a pair of running shoes. The other hiker says: "What are you doing? You will never outrun that bear!". The first hiker replies: "I don't have to outrun the bear..."
• Michael Johnson, the Olympic gold medal runner, was on his way to a club with some friends. At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said: "Sorry, mate, you can't come in here — no denim." Michael was quite annoyed at this and retorted: "Don't you know who I am? I'm Michael Johnson." "Then it won't take you long to run home and change, will it?" replied the bouncer.
• Last year I entered the New York City Marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?" I replied: "Do you want to know?" and I dropped out.
• We work out too much. We waste time. A friend of mine runs marathons. He always talks about this "runner's high." But he has to go 26 miles for it. That's why I smoke and drink. I get the same feeling from a flight of stairs.
• A runner asks his wife: "What do you love most about me? My tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your enormous sense of humor."
• Deciding to take up jogging, the man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk: "What is this little pocket thing here on the side for?" And the clerk: "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."
• A school teacher asked a student, "John, will you please conjugate the verb 'to go' for the class?" The kid began, "I go... um... you go... ehmm... he goes..." "How about a little faster?" asks the teacher. And the kid, "Sure! I run, you run, she runs..."
• One man's hobby was running, he spent all his weekends on the park trails, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the park as usual. It was still dark, cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her. "Yes," she replied "but my idiot husband still went running!"
• A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Yes?" "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15." The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" "8:25!" The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. "Sir, sir? It's 8:45!"
• This man and woman were making love when the woman cried out "Oh my God! I hear my husband coming! You must get out of here fast! Grab your clothes and jump out the window!" The man hurriedly jumped out the window and fell into some bushes. As luck would have it, it started to rain. He sat there, wondering what he was going to do when a bunch of joggers happened to jog by. The man quickly jumped up and joined the joggers. As he was running along with the rest of the joggers, one asked him "Do you always run in the nude?" The man answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running." Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?" The man answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home." Then another runner asked "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Well," he answered, "only when it's raining."
• Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
• A blonde goes out for a run. She comes to a river and cannot see a bridge anywhere nearby. She spots another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo doll!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You're already on the other side!"
• Running shoes in these days are more and more technologically advanced. I went in this store and they told me this new model of running shoes can even predict the weather! I asked how and the salesperson told me: "Leave your shoes outside the window for a little while: if they are wet it's raining, if they are dry it's sunny, if you cannot see them it's foggy."
• You know it is time to resume running when...
  
  • You try to do a few pushups and discover that certain body parts refuse to leave the floor.
  • Your children look through your wedding album and want to know who mom's first husband was.
  • You get winded just saying the words "10 kilometer run".
  • You come to the conclusion that, if God really wanted you to touch your toes each morning, He would have put them somewhere around your knees.
  • You analyze your body honestly and decide what you should develop first is your sense of humor.
  • You step on a talking scale and it says, "Come back when you are alone".

Question & Answer

Q. How do crazy runners go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

Q. What kind of shoes are made from banana skins?
A. Slippers.

Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.

Credits

Run The Planet thanks Jean-Louis Laurent and Rick for their precious cooperation.