You Might Be a Runner If...

I was channel surfing one day last month, and wasn't really having much luck. The final four had already been determined, so there was no basketball on. Football season had long since past, and baseball season had not yet started. ESPN was showing NASCAR racing, which doesn't do much for me, and SportSouth was showing some guys fishing. I slowly realized that I just may have to watch something without the word "ball" in it. As I was hopelessly scanning the channels, I came across Comedy Central. They were airing a stand-up comedy special with America's favorite redneck, Jeff Foxworthy. He's the guy who's famous for the line "You might be a redneck if..." and then finishes the statement with something funny like "...a trip to the bathroom involves putting on your shoes and grabbing a flashlight."

Humor is a funny thing. The closer to home it hits, the more laughable it becomes. When you see yourself in a situation, you can't help but chuckle under your breath, at the very least. In the best case scenario, you'll get a resounding belly laugh. So, without further delay, I give you "You might be a runner if...", with apologies to Mr. Foxworthy.

If you stop by the Run The Planetwebpage... then you might be a runner.

If you know how many miles are in 10 kilometers... than you might be a runner.

If you know the name of the last runner to win the 5k, 10k, and Marathon races at the same Olympic games... than you might be a runner.

If you know who Rosie Ruiz is and what year she didn't do the "Boston Marathon"... then you might be a runner.

If your average dinner is a whole meat lover's pizza with a six pack of beer, and you only weigh 102 pounds... then you might be a runner.

If you celebrate your 50th birthday by running 50 miles and then go to a party in your honor... then you might be a runner.

If your best ten mile time is lower than your age and your resting heart rate is lower than your best ten mile time... then you might be a runner.

If you run a race in Boston in April, Atlanta in July, and New York in October... then you just might be a runner.

If you have any surgical scars from the hips on down and you have never birthed a child... then you might be a runner.

If you have run the "Western States 100" more than one time... then you might be a runner.

If you can name one thing that Grete Waitz and Bob Kempainen have in common other than the fact that they run... then you might be a runner.

If you can say "fartlek" without getting embarrassed... then you might be a runner.

If the frame around your licence plate says "My other car is a pair of Nikes"... then you might be a runner.

If you fly your flag at half mast every time your shoe company discontinues the model you've just committed to for life... then you might be a runner.

If you race every weekend of the year, but have never run a race on July 4th... then you might be a runner.

If you have to rent extra storage space in order to house your T-shirt collection... than you might be a runner.

If you can't cut your toenails without your legs cramping up... then you might be a runner.

If you can quote from Sheehan or Galloway... then you might be a runner.

If you're trying to pass someone in a race and your first question to that person is "How old are you?"... then you might be a runner.

If you have seen yourself anywhere in this article... then you might be a runner.

Credits

Run The Planet thanks Michael Selman for this article